No. 086 - India.Arie’s “Video” changed my life
Mocked for her differences as a child in 90s Germany, Jasmin Annmary happened upon a music video that helped her embrace her authentic self
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• 5 min read •
I am the daughter of two immigrants.
My mother used to work as a nurse in Germany, and after getting married to her in 1975, my father followed her there from India, to the foreign country I call home today.
They were dreaming of building a family and a fulfilling life together. I have heard my mother tell the story about a hundred times. After thirteen years of trying, giving birth to two sons, and a miscarriage in between, they finally received the big news at the ultrasound. “The doctor told us it was a GIRL!! Jasmin, I was jumping up and down because I was so happy,” she always tells me, remembering that day, and I believe her, because even now — 35 years later — I can still feel and see the excitement and gratitude in her eyes.
Ever since I can remember, my mom told me, “You gotta love yourself in order to love someone else,” and even though all I felt from my parents and two elder brothers was love and affection, growing up as a little brown girl in a white world (Germany in the 90s), society taught me I’m not the norm. Most of the people around me didn’t look like me. Their skin wasn’t brown like mine, they had long straight blonde or light brown hair unlike mine, and they most definitely didn’t grow hair like me on parts I wasn’t mentally ready to grow hair on. Moreover, I inherited lots of my brothers’ clothes, so I wasn’t necessarily the cute little Princess Jasmin(e) you knew from the Disney movie. Everywhere I went, I looked different, and society made sure I felt that. It made me question my identity. Do I belong here? Am I good enough?
Remember those times in the early 2000s, when you rushed home to sit in front of the computer to chat with your friends on MSN Messenger, download your favorite songs on Napster or LimeWire, and watch the newest music videos? I vividly remember sitting in our so-called computer room in the basement as an eleven-year-old girl in 2001, and seeing this one new video. It said India.Arie in the bottom left corner and I instantly gravitated towards it. The song’s name was “Video.” I saw a woman who didn’t exactly look like me, but she looked more like me than almost all the other women I saw on TV. As soon as she began to sing, I fell in love with her as well as the song:
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows, I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
Man, the authenticity, reinforcement, and soul in her voice and words — it was impossible not to feel empowered. Everything she embodied was a contradiction to the Eurocentric beauty standards broadcast by the media and the world I lived in. I wanted to be her.
She continued with that same energy in the chorus:
I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I’m not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India.Arie
[…] My momma said a lady ain't what she wears but what she knows
Apart from her continuous message of embracing one’s authentic self, I understood that clothes may be an important part of one’s identity. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about the way I looked. However, in a capitalist world, where (designer) clothes are a status symbol and trends change every season, I was trying to live in my clothes through good and bad times, so that when I wore them I was remembering those times, I was remembering stages within my childhood and adolescence, I was remembering me.
The second verse always stood out the most to me:
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be, yeah
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I'm loving what I see
As a teacher, I’ve had empowerment sessions with one of my Black students who felt outcast because she was subject to subtle and not-so-subtle racism. One thing I practiced with her was looking in the mirror and telling herself one thing she loved about herself.
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror for more than a minute?
Set a timer and try it.
At first it was hard for her to look at herself, but it became our ritual, and I could see the change in her posture and spirit with each session.
Just like her, I felt conflicted growing up — on the one hand wanting to fit in and on the other hand wanting to be me. Whenever I told my mother that I was unhappy with the way I looked and that I wanted to change something about myself, she always looked at me and told me that I was beautiful just the way I was, and that I should be proud of the features God gave me. As a rebellious young girl, I was annoyed and felt misunderstood. Now, her encouragement and guidance are some of the many reasons that she is my superhero.
Since that day in 2001, I have been learning to love myself more and more, and to embrace the differences for which I was mocked and stared at as a kid. It’s a long path which is at times paved with setbacks, but whenever I’m faced with one, I remember India.Arie’s words:
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
◆
About Jasmin
Jasmin Annmary is a teacher living in Germany. In school, she is most enthusiastic about empowering her students, especially her Black students and students of Color. Outside of school, she loves spending time with family and friends, traveling, and daydreaming to the newest record she just bought.
Instagram @jasislike__
⭐ Recommended by
JJ Tauil (No. 028)
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Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
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Top 10 • Grace's Favorites • Secret
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“Video” has always been one of my favorite songs! Love to see it get the Grace treatment.