No. 044 - Raveena's “Time Flies” changed my life
The song that reminds Kathryn Curtis that the cost of love is worth it
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created by Grace Lilly, supported by readers.
• 4 min read •
In the spring of 2022, I lost my dog Iggy.
He was 14 (and a half!) and had loved and been loved by us for the entirety of his life. It was heartbreaking and immensely painful, but I still had his sister Cinder around to help carry me through the grief. The hole I felt in my heart didn’t feel quite so large as long as she was there with me.
Early in 2023 is when I lost Cinder.
It felt like somebody robbed me of my soul. Like every living, beating, breathing thing inside of me had been stolen. For someone who has never felt the loss of a pet, it’s difficult to conceive of just how much grief you feel. They’re your family; the best parts of your family. They love you even when you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved, and the deep affection they harbor for you is enough to make every day feel just a little bit better.
I am no stranger to grief, but this loss left me with a gnawing, aching emptiness I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Cinder was 15 when she crossed the rainbow bridge in the sky. A great age for a medium sized pup — an age we were proud of. Through nature and nurture our puppies lived the best lives we could give them.
When Cinder was gone, there was nothing left of these two extremely important parts of my life to hold on to. It was strange to wake up to an unfamiliar routine after so long. There was no one to greet me at the bottom of the stairs, excited that it was a new day and that breakfast would be ready soon. I was met with silence when I listened for the happy tap of toenails on the kitchen floor when it was time for our afternoon walk around the block.
The silence that filled our house was acute and did nothing to close the gap I felt growing in my heart.
In order to fill some of the silence, I turned to Spotify and hit play on the first thing at the top of my profile — a new album my wife had shown me by the artist Raveena. When her song “Time Flies” first came on, I sat down and quietly listened to it in its entirety. Then I put it on again. And again. And again.
I lost track of how many times I heard it loop, crying on the basement floor.
The words speak of life and loss. Of beauty and pain and transitions. It was the soundtrack to everything I felt raging inside of me. Listening to the song initially brought fresh waves of loss. But as I listened over and over, I was also met with a weird, juxtaposing feeling of comfort mixed with the sadness. While the song brought me to tears, it also filled me with a little bit of warmth and peace each time I listened.
It felt like the words were reaching into my nervous system and unraveling the sorrow wrapped up inside like fishing line.
The song speaks to transitioning in life and growing through heartbreak. To growing even when falling apart, and being okay with restarting. It made me think about the price we pay for love.
The emptiness that settled in my chest was difficult to handle, but it was worth every second of love I shared with Iggy and Cinder, and everyone I’ve loved and lost. I would do it over and over again because the joy of our time together outweighs the struggle of being left behind.
“Time Flies” helped remind me that falling to pieces sometimes is a big part of life, but love is so worth that price.
Every time I hear it now I think about how lucky I am to love and be loved so hard in the first place, and I know that somewhere, someday my soul will be reunited with everyone I have ever loved. ◆
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About Kathryn
Kathryn likes to torture herself by working as a graphic designer and has a passion for everything that’s wild and weird. Animals have and always will hold a special place in her heart, and she believes the world could always do with a bit more kindness.
Instagram @kccurtz
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