No. 109 - Mac Miller’s “Ascension” changed my life

How a shift in perspective changed everything for Xavier Griffin

Sep 26, 2025

This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring weekly essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.

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• 4 min read •

Growing up in the late 90s and early 2000s, I was an upbeat and positive kid. I used to say I had “a natural high on life,” and never thought I’d be someone to engage in vices.

Although I had signs of dysthymia in my youth, I did a good job of fighting through it and enjoying the beauty of existence. But my late teens and early 20s had a different vibe.

Autumn 2015, embarking on my final year of college, I was carrying the weight of an unfamiliar mental state. The year prior was one filled with heartbreak, self-reflection, and turmoil. My great grandmother had passed away in early 2014, and I still didn’t know how to manage in her absence.

Though I was no stranger to the nature of death, having attended 9 funerals for friends and family alike before I turned 21, the fear of losing my great grandmother always loomed large before her time came. I worried that I’d become mute, or that I’d grow to hate the world in some way, shape, or form. But in reality, I was just afraid that something within me would change.

My great grandmother was as close to a safe space as a human could possibly be. With her there was no judgement, no criticism, just mutual gratitude for being able to share time and space together. Without her I felt a void so great that the emptiness craved fulfillment by any means necessary. That’s when I began experimenting significantly with drugs and alcohol.

Growing up the son of a police officer, I had kept a fairly straight edge lifestyle. I drank only on occasion and smoked a joint only a handful of times in my adolescence. But during what felt like a pivotal period in my life, I no longer needed much of an excuse to indulge. I began drinking excessively simply because “it’s Wednesday,” smoking weed and trying hallucinogens any chance I got. I was transforming into someone I didn’t recognize. The loneliness was getting the best of me.

Music became a big part of the experience — making itself out to be the soundtrack of the evening, becoming intrinsically entangled in the emotions I felt in the moment. One particular Friday night, I couldn’t wait to get home and tune in. I had just finished my last class of the day and I wanted nothing more than to relax and sink into the weekend. To make it even sweeter, Mac Miller had dropped an album that day that I was eager to listen to. I’d been religiously listening to his mixtape, Faces, from the year prior, which was a work of art, so this album, GO:OD AM, was highly anticipated in my world.

The album as a whole is top tier, but there’s one song that sits higher than every other. Appropriately titled “Ascension,” this song felt like a revelation. Before Mac begins rapping, he takes time to share a thought; better yet, to express a perspective:

I’m trying to hide from something, I just don’t know what
Oh it’s not sad, baby, you know?
Yeah, I, I, um, I saw a mountain, you know, across the horizon
And I got there, realized it was just a pile of rocks

It may seem nonsensical on the surface, but this little opening was a relatable tone setter. For the last year I’d felt this sense of running from something, maybe a feeling itself, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just knew I had to keep going, questioning the purpose of everything along the way. I interpreted the aforementioned mountain as a metaphor for how daunting the road ahead may seem — and how a shift in perspective can change everything.

A few verses later he hits home again:

How the fuck I’m supposed to
Look into my parents’ eyes when I’m scared to die
My eyes same color as a cherry pie
Whoa, see, I’m terrified
Crucifix heavy, who gon’ carry mine?
Yeah, what’s with all this talk about Hell and Satan?
And sleep deprivation?
If this planet Earth, then my Hell’s a basement

The raw vulnerability that Mac expressed in this song was a window into understanding that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling. I was listening to someone who spoke the same language as me, asked the same questions, and questioned the same general acceptances. Someone who also sought an altered state of mind to suppress past pains as they bubbled up to the present.

This song helped me find peace.

I embraced the never-ending journey, fueled by the existential wonder of why the hell we’re here, and discovered my capacity to fight through the purgatory that life can be.

The chorus brings me even deeper into the connection:

Between Heaven and Hell
What’s between Heaven and Hell?
A brand new me
Oh, it’s a brand new me!

Mac’s words of wisdom were therapeutic.

“Ascension” remains a beautiful reminder to embrace the ebbs and flows of life as we navigate the battle with our internal demons.

Without this song, who knows how far I would’ve fallen?

Rest in peace, Malcolm “Mac Miller” McCormick. ◆

About Xavier

Xavier Griffin, during the day, works at an advertising agency in New York. But by night, he’s a freelance artist and musician by the name Hillside Hue, looking for any way to release creativity into the world.

Instagram @hueisxavier

Spotify Hillside Hue

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