No. 090 - Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” changed my life
Music didn't mean much to middle-school Gaby Muiño — until the 2009 VMAs
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This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring weekly essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.
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• 5 min read •
Anyone who has ever met me knows I’d stop and drop everything for two celebrities: Lionel Messi and Lady Gaga.
As someone who’s lived soccer in the 21st century, Messi is an obvious and easy answer. He’s the GOAT. The flip side of my coin is a little more unconventional.
Let’s go back to middle school.
Bear with me — I know no one likes to remember it. It’s awkward, your body is changing, you’re navigating new social dynamics, you struggle to fit in, it’s isolating. It sucks.
And it’s also an important period of self-discovery.
Back then, if I’m being honest, music didn’t have a lot of meaning to me. Given how integral it is to my life now, it seems preposterous that I was missing that fervor. But my music “taste” up to that point was an assortment of hand-me-downs: a selection of what my parents listened to fused with my older sister’s influence. I knew what was on the radio, I knew which artists were iconic, I knew which songs were big, but it felt inauthentic to pick a favorite.
I didn’t have an artist to claim as mine.
Music was one-dimensional to me.
Until September 13, 2009.
The VMAs meant something then. If you missed it, you’d be left out of the discourse at school on Monday. Remember, it’s middle school; who wants to feel left out? So, my sisters and I always watched, and the 2009 VMAs specifically — that was must-see TV. Janet Jackson did a tribute to the late MJ, Beyoncé performed her iconic “Single Ladies,” Lil Mama crashed Jay-Z and Alicia Keys during “Empire State of Mind,” Kanye jumped on stage during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech (“I’mma let you finish…”).
Busy night.
But there was one moment — one performance — that overshadowed the rest.
Immediately, the production design caught my eye: an ornate mansion with an imperial staircase, intricate columns, and multiple chandeliers.
I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
It was a song I had heard on the radio plenty already. Gaga wasn’t new to me, “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” were everywhere, but I didn’t know much about the artist behind these infectious dance-pop tunes.
Baby, there’s no other superstar, you know that I’ll be
Your papa-paparazzi
It was unlike anything I’d seen before. Her bejeweled white lace bodysuit with a cape and feathered headpiece. Her ability to sound perfect live while executing complex choreography. Her flamboyant piano playing, now a performance staple of hers. But most notable was the storytelling. A tale of fame, love, and how obsessive desire turns unhealthy and leads to one’s demise.
I wasn’t just watching a musician hit their notes and play their instrument. I was watching a master at work. It was a complete narrative. This meant something.
And then the finale.
Promise I’ll be kind
But I won’t stop until that boy is mine
Baby, you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
As she steps off the piano, crimson blooms and drips down her white ensemble.
She. Is. Bleeding. On. Stage.
Singing the final chorus, setting up the ultimate shot, she “dies” in front of us in the most theatrical way possible: hanging from a chandelier. Cameras flash. It’s both spectacular and heartbreaking.
Genius.
It was the first time I felt a deep attachment to art.
That day I found a sense of identity and self-expression that I had been longing for. It gave me strength, comfort, and, honestly, just pure happiness. I was a kid who was good at sports and numbers, but this song, this performance, liberated an artistic side that craved more.
And that was it. I spent hours scouring the internet on my iPod Touch for every article, interview, performance — anything related to Lady Gaga. I used my allowance to purchase every magazine with Gaga on the cover. I asked for The Fame CD for my birthday, carried the album booklet everywhere, and dissected the lyrics of all 14 tracks. I became obsessed with her music videos, particularly the “Paparazzi” video as an extension of her VMA’s performance. And at school I was her greatest defender when people called her crazy and weird.
I do see the irony in my Gaga obsession stemming from a song that in part warns about that exact thing. But toxic stan culture aside, fandoms unite people. This song, and her music, arrived at a pivotal moment in my life when I needed community, and it’s given me so many friends and invaluable memories.
“Paparazzi” changed my life.
It sent me on a beautiful journey as a Little Monster for nearly two decades now. I’ve proudly watched Gaga disrupt and change the music industry, grow as an artist, and remain true to who she is — an ally to all and an advocate of what’s right.
I’ve learned to approach the world and myself with more kindness, to embrace all parts of myself, and to show empathy to others. It took a while, and some days are still hard, but thanks to Gaga’s music and message, I have a new, healthier, relationship with self-love.
She’s taught me to be unapologetically me, flaws and all. ◆
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About Gaby
Gaby Muiño is a Miami-born-and-raised New York City transplant. She’s a social media producer at Bleacher Report Football (covering the real football). She loves photography and has over 67,000 photos on her camera roll, most of which are cats, concerts, and memes.
Instagram @gabymno
⭐ Recommended by
Shane Evans (No. 023)
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Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
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There was a cultural shift that happened that night. You totally get it.
The VMAS paparazzi performance is LEGENDARY. She’s right.