No. 082 - Enya’s “Only Time” changed my life
A tonic for Samantha Vell's sleepover anxiety
🏆 A top-read essay
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring weekly essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.
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• 4 min read •
Tucked into my makeshift bed on the floor next to my sleeping friends, I lie awake with my CD player as my comforting companion. Headphones plugged in, Enya’s soothing voice and whimsical sounds fill my ears. Her tranquil melodies and calming tune relax me and offer solace from the all-consuming anxiety that sleepovers induce.
As a somewhat shy and easily worried girl, I dreaded sleepovers. I was always the last one still awake, and I hated the feeling of lying there while everyone else slept. I hated being away from the comfort of my own bed, and the daunting feeling of the never-ending dark nighttime hours. I wanted to like sleepovers. I wanted to fit in, to stay up late playing games and gossiping, and then smoothly drift off into dreams. However, I always found myself wide awake, engulfed in the worry of not being able to fall asleep.
At seven years old, I was drawn into Enya’s ethereal sound. Her song, “Only Time,” stole my heart. As other kids were jamming to N*SYNC and Britney Spears (who I also loved), I was playing “Only Time” on repeat. I loved when it came on the radio, and I was elated when I got the CD as a gift.
My parents encouraged me to use Enya as a coping mechanism for my sleepover stress. The dreamy soundscapes of A Day Without Rain calmed me. The music masked the subtle snores of nearby sleepers, reminders that sleep came easier to others. It would be only time until the morning hours came.
My family embraced the album as well. On camping trips, while we were cozily snuggled in our sleeping bags, a speaker dangled from the top of our tent allowing Enya to lull us (me) to sleep.
Over time, my strong aversion to sleepovers dissipated. The thrill of staying up late with friends and sneaking out turned sleepovers from scary endeavors to tantalizing adventures. There came a point where it seemed as if I outgrew Enya.
The familiar melodies of A Day Without Rain seemed to conjure up the negative feelings associated with sleepovers. It made me feel small, like the helpless, nervous young girl who desperately wanted peaceful sleep. I felt embarrassed about my struggles and about liking Enya in general. While “Only Time” had its moment on the radio, Enya still wasn’t exactly trendy. As I grew older, the songs sat idly in the back of my iTunes music collection, digitally collecting dust.
By the time college arrived I was so confident in my sleepover evolution that I opted to do my first semester abroad in Italy. However, the first night sparked some all too familiar sleepover anxiety and self doubt. I powered through it though, and was quickly distracted by the wonders of life in Italy. I fully embraced the experience and conquered my four-month sleepover in a different country. In fact, it ignited something in me: my love for exploring new places, meeting new people, and being outside of my comfort zone.
I went on to study abroad in South Korea before accepting my first job in Bangkok, Thailand. This is where I started my career as an international school teacher and continued to foster my love of travel. I lived in Bangkok for three years before moving to Abu Dhabi. And although Enya stayed in my past throughout this time, her sound too tainted by my anxious childhood memories to be enjoyed, she eventually made it back on my radar.
A random night of dancing ridiculously with friends to “Orinoco Flow” (an absolute bop) reignited my love. Later, I let myself indulge in A Day Without Rain and nostalgia melted over me. I came to a newfound appreciation for the songs that gave me the strength to make it through many a restless night, “Only Time” especially.
Now I’m living in Belo Horizonte, Brazil. I still marvel at the fact that little ol’ me, who hated sleepovers, has lived in so many different places. I’ve traveled to 50 countries, which has inevitably entailed countless sleepovers. Ear plugs and headphones are still my saving grace, but I know that I am capable.
I’m so unbelievably grateful for my “abroad life” and the adventures it has opened the door to. I think back to my younger self — braving it through a sleepover with the help of Enya — and I know she would be beyond proud of the life I’ve created for myself.
Who knows where else my traveling feet will take me?
But I'm excited for what’s to come.
Who can say where the road goes?
Where the day flows?
Only time
◆
About Samantha
Samantha Vell grew up in Albany, New York. She’s always wanted to be a teacher and has a love for traveling, so she’s very lucky she gets to put her two passions together by being an international school teacher. She has lived and taught in Thailand, UAE, and now Brazil.
⭐ Recommended by
Shannon Egan (No. 041)
Every TSCML writer is asked to recommend a future contributor, creating a never-ending, underlying web of interconnectivity 🕸️
Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
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