No. 041 - Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” changed my life
When Shannon Egan's life changed, this song changed with her
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created by Grace Lilly, supported by readers.
• 5 min read •
(Yes, this whole essay will be just as cheesy as the song it is written about.)
I can't remember exactly when I first heard “Kiss Me.”
There is no particular memory that jumps out at me, no significant person, place, or event associated with that first listen.
Regardless, this song, like the smell of Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers and Sweet Pea Bath & Body Works Body Spray, takes me back to a vibe — a generalized memory that could have taken place hundreds of times throughout my young-adulthood: nights on a couch in a basement with my sister or my friends, watching rom-coms in pajamas, bowls of junk food strewn about, eyes bleary from the late hour, and heart jittery from too much caffeine, sugar, and saccharine romance playing out on the screen.
This song takes me back to a time when all I wanted was to feel the thrilling and crushing weight of young love for myself.
I was absolutely dying to live the life of the girls I saw on the screen, the poor unnoticed, nerdy girls who take off their glasses, pull their hair out of their ponytails, and are suddenly “beautiful” rather than utterly invisible.
This song brings me back to the visceral yearning of being a young teen wondering, “When will my real life begin?”
As I transitioned away from the hopeless romanticism of my teenage years and toward becoming a young woman both fascinated by and somewhat terrified of men, upbeat, hopeful love songs such as this one took a backseat to the arresting melancholic beauty of indie sad girl songs. The feeling of waiting for my real life to begin, however, remained.
I grew up, went to college, and a few short months after graduation, began my teaching career in Japan. I moved back home after one year abroad, homesick and ready to be closer to family. I decided I would give it five years at home with my family before I found my next adventure. That adventure ended up being the greatest decision of my life: Brazil.
Moving to Belo Horizonte, Brazil was an experience a lot like its name, a beautiful horizon. I left the United States in July 2021, at the tail-end of the first two intense years of the COVID-19 pandemic, an anxious, depressed, traumatized version of myself, chasing any hit of dopamine masked as adventure that I could get my hands on.
I am not a religious person, but it felt like the universe and fate came together to gift me with a version of life that was medicine for the soul.
The heartbeat of my life in Brazil is the chosen family I have formed. This family is made up of all sorts of characters from all different places and walks of life. We shouldn’t make sense as a group of friends but, somehow, the common experience of this life we live is enough to make it work.
Every day after work is a new adventure, from cooking, to game nights, to drinking and dancing. These random nights in the middle of the week give me the most joy, and are what brought me back to this song.
My kitchen was littered with empty beer bottles and wine glasses that left deep red rings on the white dinner table. The yellow glow of my twinkle lights glittered behind my friends, perched precariously on my cheap dining chairs. We were passing a phone around, adding songs to the Spotify queue as we always did.
I could hear the groans of one friend as they noticed me taking a long time, already familiar with my indecisiveness, but also suspicious I was trying to sneak more than the one-song limit. “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer popped into my head after having seen an Instagram post of someone with the phrase “Kiss Me” tattooed on their ass. I added it to the queue.
As those opening chords played through the speaker, I let out a reflexive gasp and stood up to dance, “Ahhhh, I love this song!”
A delicious, honeyed nostalgia warmed me while everyone started singing along (besides my friend who loudly complained this was the most basic white bitch song he had ever heard). This moment, sitting at my dinner table with new friends who felt like old friends, singing a song I had once loved, felt like the perfect blend of old and new, past and present, ephemeral yet somehow permanent.
While I still felt a spark of that old teenage longing I’d always associated with this song, it also felt so new to me. This time around it didn’t feel like longing. It felt like living.
I was single and there was no trope-fulfilling popular boy around to notice me taking my hair out of my ponytail, no magical romance to write about in the journal I could never get myself to keep. But I was no longer pining for a life I dreamed of and would never really live. Instead, I was experiencing a life I had never imagined possible, and I was falling in love with living.
“Kiss Me” became my musical obsession for my first year in Brazil. It found its way to every queue, every playlist, and every karaoke night. Every time I heard it start to play, I would sigh and gasp, “Ahhhh, I love this song,” and my body would buzz with love.
This song did not change my life, I did that for myself.
But this song changed with my life. Every time I hear it now, I think of the joy of living. ◆
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About Shannon
Shannon, a Maryland native and life-long adventurer, swindled her way into living a life of travel by becoming an international teacher. After living and teaching in Japan and the United States, Shannon currently calls Belo Horizonte, Brazil home. During the week, she teaches fifth graders, plays Dungeons and Dragons, attempts to rock-climb (often unsuccessfully), practices her Portuguese, and cuddles with her semi-bilingual dog, Noodle. On the weekends, you can find her soaking up Brazilian culture, pretending Carnaval is a year-round event, or traveling around Brazil experiencing all of the natural beauty the country has to offer.
Instagram @shenanigans4
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