No. 095 - The Cinematic Orchestra & Patrick Watson’s “To Build A Home” changed my life
Moving in and falling out — Duncan Mwangi misses his friend from afar
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring weekly essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.
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• 3 min read •
This song became ubiquitous in the house I moved into with my best friend, Jeff. He would play it whenever he was in the kitchen. Its mournful quality always carried over to the other rooms. I’ve found myself playing it a lot now that we no longer live together, much less speak to each other.
I’ve just recently received his mail. I’ll have to hand it over to a third party. I ignore all the Snapchat memories of us. That’s the procedure nowadays. I miss us, but I move on regardless.
I love that the chorus takes a minute to kick in and we get a bit of the piano by itself. As someone who has been alone in a room with a pianist many times before, I appreciate the novelty. A piano sounds like the grey of fall. Sweater weather. The mundaneness of school. Book after book after book.
Most importantly, the song makes me feel artsy. I’m sure it did the same for Jeff. He probably has it on vinyl by now. He likes sad songs, especially when they’re alternative. Daniel Caesar. Frank Ocean.
Moving in was hard on Jeff. His grandmother died that summer. He had to fly back home to Kenya, more than 8,000 miles away, for the funeral. In the meantime, we stayed in a motel.
Once we moved in, our days in the house were characterized by a few things. Houseplants. House parties. HBO shows. Home-cooked meals. Weed. Alcohol. Vapes. Its wooden flooring had to endure us, with our Afrobeats and Amapiano themed hangouts. Hanging off the walls was a collage of iconic Black figures and a tribal mask.
Jeff is a professional host. Charming. Zestful. He does well with an audience. Our house was a pitstop for Kenyan student immigrants from up north in Lake Forest all the way to Dekalb in the west. He makes it seem effortless, as easy as breathing.
He brought so much joy into the house. So much laughter. So much tea (both literally and figuratively). So much soul. So much salve.
To me, he embodies the lyrics of the song:
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home
’Cause I built a home
For you
For me
Our falling out was slow. Things petered out, mostly. We didn’t shout or scream at each other. We just stopped hanging out as often. Texts became less frequent. Eventually, we became like pieces of wood drifting away from each other in high water.
Another association I have with the song is Wattpad. I was a Wattpad junkie from 2015 to 2019. I read a lot of teen fiction and chick lit. Most of the books were filled with melancholic moments which would usually be accompanied by a soundtrack. I’m pretty sure this song was featured on there a lot.
The song memorializes teen angst, after all. The feeling of pain and longing. What it’s like to love and lose, or to love from afar. It also captures adult angst perfectly. Less about being misunderstood and more about moving on from something that has ended:
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust
My new roommates are nice and welcoming. They try to invite me to stuff. It’s not really my style to go out with strangers, but I’ve decided to put myself through new situations, no matter how difficult.
I’m learning what it feels like to start over. Making room for the new. Opening up to the universe and what it has to offer. ◆
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About Duncan
Duncan Mwangi is a Kenyan currently based in Northwestern University studying Journalism and Creative Writing. He has been published in Kenyan publications such as Kikwetu Magazine and the 2020 Nairobi Writing Academy Anthology: Equipoise and US-based ones like The Shore Poetry, Ringling Shift Journal, and Helicon Magazine.
Substack @njorogemwangi
Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
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A song in a fish shack and a movie star in a Whole Foods — P. Henry’s unforgettable family trip to Vancouver — No. 094 - LCD Soundsystem’s “Freak Out/Starry Eyes” changed my life
I'm realizing something special about TSCMF - unlike so many other music publications on Substack, it's not been a tremendous source of music discovery for me. I've saved a ton of the songs, I always give each one a listen and every once in awhile I end up listening a lot more to the artist. But what I'm walking away with is the feeling that people are ultra, ultra connected to music. And memory. And I am inspired by that.
Thanks for sharing Duncan - this is one of my favorites.