No. 077 - Stevie Wonder’s “Come Back As A Flower” changed my life
A deceptively simple song invites Sarah Conarro to draw a deep breath and spread the sweetness of love
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.
Enjoying the series? Support here to keep the good stuff coming 😊
• 5 min read •
The strangest thought came to me on this morning…
Every morning when I wake up, I jump right into some kind of thought about something. Sometimes I even start with, “So as I was saying…” releasing a continuation of my stream of thoughts from the night before. Whether I have fresh thoughts or am continuing where I had been in my mind before the day began, the morning often offers a clearness that no other time brings. My mind has always worked like this, and though this is both a blessing and an affliction, I don’t mind my mind.
When I was pregnant with my first child at 22, the number of responsibilities, and therefore thoughts, I was juggling multiplied exponentially. Circumstantially, for the next five years of my life, safety and support were not a given in my day-to-day — a time of my life I still work to process. Though there was so much out of balance that I couldn’t control, I was fiercely adamant that my days would not be defined by all that instability brings. That decision propelled me each day to intentionally and actively direct energy into ideas, people, love, and worlds that I believe in. To say it was easy would be a lie — working to stay mentally stable, monetarily afloat, and present as a mother, I moved at the speed of a freight train. I did learn that I am not a machine, and I do have limits. Listening to music was a grounding part of every day and a support I could really rely on. Though I’d always loved music, it was in this period that I developed a relationship to music that has continued to shape me, as it carried me in moments I felt otherwise adrift.
As a music-listener, I have always loved that I can be as moody as I want to be. For every state of my ever-moving mind, I go through phases of what I feel like listening to: “Give me something that won’t make me sleepy,” “I want to hear something I will want to hear again,” “Let’s make a playlist of lyrically complex songs that make one think,” etc.
There is one song that always dethrones my mood-induced criteria: Stevie Wonder’s “Come Back As A Flower,” featuring co-songwriter Syreeta White. No matter the circumstance, hearing the opening note of this song will immediately shift whatever musical mood I think I am in to, “Yes! Let’s listen to ‘Come Back As A Flower.’”
This experimental song is a grounding song for me. The instruments sound so clear, like I hope every morning to be. The lyrics are accessible in their repetitiveness — it’s a 238 word song, yet there are only 61 unique words. Syreeta White sings the word “flower” 26 times.
…As a flower
As a flower…
But also this vulnerable song is actually not so simple at all. Not all of the instruments are easy to identify. The lyrics gracefully address complexities of the human experience — the past, the now, and love. It’s a person telling a story of their experience from that very morning, sharing observations of the outside world and their feelings about it all with verbs like felt, envied, unmoved, and wished. It’s a reality song.
In all of the times when my limits of self are pushed (within my control or not), “Come Back As A Flower” has felt like an invitation for me to take a deep breath. It’s not an invitation that is shouting about self care in a vacuum (which I loathe and find lacking), rather, it’s an invitation for me to take the breath I need in order to continue to be able to intentionally and actively direct energy into ideas, people, love, and worlds that I believe in. A breath is slow and not something that my mind wants to pause for and take the time to draw in. But this song reminds me that taking a breath is like an archer taking a moment to find the anchor point on their face to stabilize their aim before releasing an arrow.
When I was 32, I married a composer. One night after I sang “Come Back As A Flower” to my children at bedtime, we were talking about the song and he told me, “There’s a complexity to this song that isn’t always apparent to a listener.” He proceeded to talk about chord progressions and nuances of compositional complexities and things that I as a music-listener don’t always concretely catch. I wasn’t surprised, because though this song is tender, the sound and lyrics also really capture a feeling of longing.
…I envied all the silence I saw growing
So unmoved by things outside of themselves…
In certain terms, a flower is so simple, but also a flower is sentient and connected to its ecosystem. A flower is living life out of its own control, yet can “spread the sweetness of love” to ideas, people, and worlds around it.
“Come Back as a Flower” distills the essence of what I feel in every stream of thought I have. While the lyrics offer no action plan to make the complexities of life just go away, the song does name that the complexities exist, making me feel less alone in the human experience. Like a flower, I am not in control of everything, but I can direct energy and action into my beliefs in hopes to “spread the sweetness of love.”
And within this short life, I can intentionally hold close the fleeting moments when I feel “with everything I [am] one,” just like the early-morning stillness of a garden. ◆
Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
Recommended
Top 10 • Grace's Favorites • Secret
About Sarah
Sarah Conarro is an interdisciplinary artist working in social engagement and arts education. Through her work, she constantly considers the through-lines of connectivity between Relationship, Place, Distance, and History. Sarah’s forever path is knowing that she doesn’t know and GatheringInformation™.
Instagram @sarahconarro
Substack sarahconarro.substack.com
If you enjoyed this post, “like” it & leave a comment 🧡
Secret Post No. 25 ∙ Paid 🔒
Diary 💗 Sabrina, Eartha, and the unexpected genius of comedic self-love
Before the Espresso singer, Eartha Kitt paved the way for us to embrace desire. Read→
An average concert ticket costs $122.84 🎟️
An annual subscription to This Song Changed My Life costs less than half of that ($50 to be exact).
Become a paid subscriber
Chipping in helps ensure the continued existence of TSCML — plus you’ll instantly unlock 30+ secret, paid-only posts (and counting).
People love it
What paid subscribers are saying
“I love this publication — I love the idea of it and I love getting it in my inbox and I love reading the stories. Subscribing so it can keep going! It must!”
“I love this series! Want to pitch in so you can keep up the high quality content”
“Happy to support the good stuff”
“I believe watching your work develop will by itself change my life”
If you like this publication and want to learn more about me and my other projects, check out my personal newsletter, Weirdly Good <3
What song changed your life?
You, yes you! If you’d like to participate in This Song Changed My Life, just fill out this simple form for consideration. I’m always looking to hear people’s stories.
Explore
How cheeseburger Fridays helped Sean Swaby cope with an untimely cross-country move — No. 076 - Vampire Weekend’s “White Sky” changed my life