No. 074 - Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.” changed my life
Erin Byrne Siskind on loathing, leaving, and finally loving the city she grew up in
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created (and illustrated) by Grace Lilly.
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• 4 min read •
I love LA. But I hated growing up there as a fat, queer teen. Everything about the city screamed superficial to me at 16, driving well over the speed limit in my mom’s blue 1994 Honda Accord, as I surveyed the enormous homes, hot and thin people, and what seemed to me, the city’s obsession with money. In my senior year of high school, I only applied to schools on the East Coast, feeling my growing superiority with every moment I inched closer to my final days in the San Fernando Valley where I’d spent what seemed like my whole life waiting to leave. When I finally left the palm trees and plastic surgery behind, I promised myself I’d never go back. I was better than that.
My life at school in New York City felt bigger and full of meaning compared to my tiny life in the Valley. It became my myopic vision of perfection, everything that LA could never be. I managed to stay out of the City of Angels for most of those four years, except for spring breaks, when I’d invite a handful of college friends to join me and soften my landing at LAX. In late March my senior year, back in the city I hated, I drove Rob, Laura, and Jim around in that ‘94 Accord, pointing out my favorite indie movie theaters and sushi bars.
We took turns on the aux, as true friends do, and Rob put on the most ridiculous song I had ever heard, “I Love L.A.” by Randy Newman. His voice sounded so silly to me pumping through the Honda’s sound system. But the lyrics resonated with me. He was singing about driving around, the only thing I really loved to do in LA as a teen. The reprise sung repeatedly throughout the song is its title, “I love LA,” with an even more manic response (shouted by Christine McVie and Lindsay Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac, I later learned): “WE LOVE IT!!”
It became our anthem for the trip. Any time we did anything fun, one of us would sing, “I love LA,” and the rest of us would scream louder than was appropriate to do in public, “WE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!” Back in New York, we’d see each other on campus and shout, “WE LOVE IT!!!!!!!” giggling while others looked on in confusion. The song transformed the way I viewed a place I once hated. It’s a joyful refrain that I never tired of. Something about its levity made me accept the place for what it is: silly and beautiful in its special way with serious staying power in your head and heart.
After graduation, I decided to stay in Manhattan, moving to an apartment with friends in a bedroom that was taller than it was wide. I left college at the height of one of (one!) the worst recessions in my lifetime (so far). With an unpaid internship and a Discover card, I tried my very best to be a good adult. Outside of the comfort of my fancy college, the city felt much tougher and harder to live in. I felt so dedicated to my love for New York, a city that I learned the hard way could never love me back. But LA was calling to me, the place where Randy Newman said, “Everybody’s very happy.” In NYC, I wasn’t.
When I decided to do the unthinkable to 18-year-old me and return to my hometown after 10 hard years, I embraced it with everything within me. As I explored, I discovered it was a place that reflected my values in a way New York City never did: where nature, the arts, food, and culture thrived. The superficial place I remembered was replaced by my knowledge of the deep communities that make up its surface. It’s the place I met the love of my life. It’s where I became myself.
I remember packing up and leaving LA in 2021. The skies were hazy because of wildfires even then, and my partner and I were soberly reminded that climate change was one of the primary reasons for our move. It felt safer to go now than to wait to be evacuated, which felt inevitable, whenever that might be. Driving out to San Bernardino, away from the place that brought me up and made me into the adult I loved, we blasted “I Love L.A.,” screaming, “WE LOVE IT!!!!” out our open car windows until our throats ached.
It’s hard to write this reflection on a place I love so much when the city is in so much pain. I feel guilty for being away while I refresh the Watch Duty app out of concern for my family and friends, who are still so close to the fires that surround Los Angeles. I put on Randy Newman’s tribute and shout at the top of my lungs so the universe knows that I love LA. I’ll always love it. It will always be home. ◆
Categories
Friendship • Family • Coming of Age • Romance • Grief • Spirituality & Religion • Personal Development
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About Erin
Erin Byrne Siskind (she/they) is a writer living in upstate New York. They love roasting chicken, open windows, wood stoves, and garden tours. Please consider donating to the Pasadena Humane Society, as they work around the clock to support the community animals affected by the Eaton Fire.
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