No. 035 - Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” changed my life
Middle school bullies, the Great Recession, and the song that helped Brinna Feist escape it all
🌸 A Grace favorite
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created by Grace Lilly, supported by readers.
• 5 min read •
When I sat down to write this piece, I was a little conflicted.
I wanted to pick a super niche indie artist to further my (very made up) reputation as a cool girl who listens to cool music and doesn’t care about trends. But this project is about the songs that made us who we are today, and to deny the huge role Taylor Swift played during my formative years would be to deny a part of myself.
The story starts in 2008. I was 11 years old and deeply insecure, among other things. I had little knowledge of what was happening in the country unless it directly affected me, so when my parents announced that my childhood home was being foreclosed on due to the recession, I was shocked.
That year was already tough for me. I started sixth grade, and middle school was proving to be incredibly brutal. I was being bullied heavily — my glasses, my physique, and my shy demeanor made me an easy target. Girls who I thought were my friends would reveal quickly that they were not, leaving me isolated and deeply lonely.
Every facet of my life felt like torture, and it was made all the more difficult once my mother packed up my brother and me and moved us into a run down trailer on my grandmother’s property in one of the worst neighborhoods in my city. My dad would not be coming with us because, as I would find out years later, he had just admitted to cheating on my mom.
So, to sum things up, I lost my house, my parents were separating, I was being very badly bullied, and I had just found out I had an older brother who I knew nothing about (that is a story for another day).
Basically, I was depressed.
I coped the way most kids of my generation coped — by surfing the internet. My favorite thing to do in those precious hours after school was to watch videos on YouTube, and it was during one of these deep dives that I came across the music video for “Love Story.”
I had heard about Taylor Swift, of course. Two years prior she had released her debut album, and I couldn’t turn a corner in school without hearing one of my fourth grade classmates sing “Teardrops on My Guitar,” even though none of us really understood that level of teenage longing quite yet. I liked her music, sure, I just didn’t really ever give her a second thought.
But that night, alone in my preteen bedroom, I found something I didn’t know I was searching for. What I needed was an escape from my reality, and a romantic song about two clandestine lovers gave me exactly that. It was like reading a book. It was magic. I was hooked.
I desperately wanted to live in the world that Taylor created.
In that world, there was gold and glass bottles and pretty things; and heartbreak was only a song. In the world that I knew, my mom was struggling to pay our bills and my neighbors were being shot at. Life felt too big and complicated for me, so I would play that song on repeat and “escape this town for a little while.”
I craved more, I needed more, so I went on a search to learn everything I possibly could about Taylor and her music. I devoured every fact, every theory, every interview — I put it all in a little bowl and licked it clean. And reader, was I hungry.
I don’t enjoy bringing up that time in my life, because I was a different person then.
I was scared, lonely, and desperately seeking absolution from a celebrity who had no idea I existed.
Sometimes I wonder how much of that idol worship shaped my self-image and what I believed to be beautiful. I had none of the physical traits she had, which was devastating to me since I so wanted to be her. But somehow, growing up alongside Taylor Swift as she grew in fame helped me feel like I was worthy and valuable, despite my reflection telling me otherwise.
Being a teenage girl is a heavy thing.
Taylor knew it, and wrote about it, and girls like me could feel like there was some light in the world — and we could all bask in it together.
What I learned from her is that it’s okay to feel sad and question your future and long for something that you can’t quite name. But I also learned to not let those deep feelings become all you are, because you can be confident and happy and in love, too.
I have grown since then, not just in the obvious ways but also in the way I view my sense of self.
My love for Taylor has changed since then, too.
I am much less likely to obsess over the meaning of every lyric like I used to (although I have found myself on Fan Theories TikTok once or twice), and I’ve discovered new artists that I count among my favorites, but there will always be a special place in my heart for Taylor Swift.
And to anyone who doesn’t understand her appeal, to that I would say, you’ve never been a teenage girl. ◆
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About Brinna
Brinna Feist is a graphic designer residing in Jacksonville, Florida. When she's not working, she can be found thrifting, reading, and folding the laundry that always ends up on her floor. You can view her work on her website.
Instagram @brinnafromtheblock
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It was impossible not to smile
My cheeks actually started hurting. I was watching The Point, a 1971 animated film from the mind of music legend Harry Nilsson about a relentlessly sweet boy named Oblio finding his way in the world.
It’s warm and thoughtful and just plain lovely. I found myself totally mesmerized by the watercolor-soaked hand-drawn, imperfect lines paired with Nilsson’s why-do-I-suddenly-feel-calm voice…
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Talking with this witty, hopeful music pioneer in my dreams — A Bite of Harry Nilsson 🍪
One of the best distillations on Taylor's power yet. I'm a giant fan, but I've run into people again and again who don't get her appeal. I want to just show them this piece. This nails it.