No. 015 - Frightened Rabbit's "The Modern Leper" changed my life
Seven years ago a lover boy introduced Nina Faure to this bittersweet tune and it's stayed with her ever since
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created by Grace Lilly, supported by readers.
• 4 min read •
Content warning - this post mentions suicide
April 2016, lover boy’s coming to town:
“Fancy catching up?”
“What brings you here?”
“Coming to see Frightened Rabbit at the Academy.”
Ok. Weird name. But lover boy’s always had fantastic musical taste. I’ll give it a listen.
Is that you in front of me?
Coming back for even more of exactly the same?
You must be a masochist
Songs that changed my life are aplenty. Some light and joyous, some sad and melancholic, some are masterpieces, some I will forever remember the lyrics of, some I blast when I’m boiling with anger, some I blast when I’m overexcited, some I will always sing along to.
But this. This was different.
This was giving me a massive slap in the face. This is a song that I will listen to religiously, while pausing everything else. That almost never happens to me, sitting down and just listening to music - that doesn’t happen to people who have a brain that won’t ever shut the hell up. But this song does it.
This song is, put simply, heart-wrenching. It will make you blissfully wallow in your despair.
I've crippled your heart a hundred times
And still can't work out why
See, I've got this disease, I can't shake
And I'm just rattling through life
It was so fitting to the moment that you might as well have stabbed me with a thousand daggers in the heart. You still may. The lyrics leave an addictive aftertaste and keep you wanting more.
At the same time, Scott Hutchison’s delightful Scottish accent brings you warmth and comfort. Basically it’s like drinking whiskey, it hurts and it’s nice. It hurts but it’s nice. Remember? Coming back for even more of exactly the same?
This song is called “The Modern Leper” by Frightened Rabbit. It’s the opening song of the album The Midnight Organ Fight released in 2008.
It was like nothing I had ever heard. It was just what I needed at that moment in time - and more. It was to leave a profound mark on my life.
Scott Hutchison was very open about his struggles with mental health and it just felt relieving to hear someone talk about them so honestly. That’s how I cope with mine too. Scott Hutchison was a master at singing the painful truths.
I say “was” because he lost his battle to depression in May 2018. It floored me. This band soothed my aches so perfectly and I would have loved another thousand songs at least.
Yet I feel extremely grateful to have been able to see them live, once - it was at the Manchester Cathedral in November 2016. I don’t think there could have been a better venue for a such a band. By that date, lover boy had disappeared again, or maybe I had - we never quite knew whose fault it ever was.
A lot of people assumed that “The Modern Leper” was a song about addiction to drugs - it wasn’t. If it was about addiction, it was addiction to love. Love too extreme to handle. The hopeless romantic gang will always have your back in times of turmoil and heartbreak.
It’s 2023, lover boy is still sometimes here, sometimes not and I feel a tad of nostalgia when I listen to “The Modern Leper.” Although I’m a bit older, a bit wiser, the words still resonate with me, they keep killing me softly and I hope they will continue to do so for a very long time because…
…You're not ill and I'm not dead
Doesn't that make us the perfect pair?
You should sit with me and we’ll start again. ◆
About Nina
Nina Faure is a thirty-something who’s already lived a thousand lives. In the current one, she’s a teacher in a quiet French town.
Instagram @ninobanano
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