No. 011 - Bill Callahan's "Faith/Void" changed my life
No. 011 - Bill Callahan's "Faith/Void" changed my life
Chase Burnett on spiritual expansion, letting go of certainty, and moving on from the past
This Song Changed My Life is an independent music publication featuring essays from people all around the world about the songs that mean the most to them. Created by Grace Lilly, supported by readers.
• 4 min read •
I heard Bill Callahan's "Faith/Void" for the first time about 6 years ago. I don’t remember where I was but I know my friend Wawa sent it to me.
For a lot of the song Bill just goes between two chords singing “it’s time to put God away” and when I first heard it I thought it sounded and felt kinda like some of the old Christian songs I would play in church.
Repetitive lyrics and the chords go back and forth between the 1 and the 4, sort of making the song feel like a meditation.
During this point in my life I was struggling with how my Christian upbringing had affected my brain and I hyperfixated on the topic obsessively until it really became unhealthy.
To be honest it’s still a struggle, but this song came as such a pertinent revelation that it’s ok to just put it away.
The tight grip that religion had over me throughout my teens and early 20s seemed to slowly let go each time I listened to the song. The idea of God can be beautiful, but when it’s taught from a dogmatic perspective it can hinder your brain development (speaking from personal experience).
The main point Callahan hammers home towards the end of the song (in my opinion), and one that has stuck with me, is that accepting any “absolute truth” from a religion/preacher/book about where we come from or why we are here is just irrational or “perverse” as Bill says.
Letting go of certainty was such a weird thing to try to do when I first left the church. Faith gives a lot to hold on to and can ease your worried mind about a lot of different things. In some ways I envy people who have that, but I guess I feel more like Callahan when he says,
"This is the end of faith, no more must I strive
To find my peace, to find my peace in a lie"
Trying for years to just accept my role as a good Christian, even in the face of doubts and contradictions I found both in the Bible and the teachings of my church, became increasingly difficult. I think I was waiting for some clear indication that either the Bible was true or that something else was more true.
But as I started reading and learning from sources that were not OK'd by the church (mostly skeptic authors/buddhist poetry) I started becoming more and more interested in all the ideas that other cultures and religions in the world had been coming up with.
“Faith/Void” fell into my lap when I really needed to just hear someone say, "It's ok to let that part of you go. That part of you that still tells you that you aren't good enough or that you will never be OK without this or that."
The comfort I used to get from "God's Love" is the same I now get from staring into the void. It has just been redirected and re-understood. Possibly confusing to some people but I know a few who get it. ◆
About Chase
Chase Burnett is a musician living in Los Angeles with his partner Cait, their two dogs Will and Lazy, and their cat Igor. You can find his music on bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, etc.
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