Diary 💗 My night as Sabrina Carpenter

Lesbian bars as a pop star (with TSCML contributors)

It was freakishly windy

If you were in New York City on Halloween, you know what I’m talking about. Aggressive 40mph winds made it feel like 38° F, so I opted for a last-minute change of costume: instead of Alice in Wonderland, I went as Sabrina Carpenter for the sole reason that as the latter, I could wear tall go-go boots for extra warmth (a good call).

I knew Sabrina was performing at Madison Square Garden over the weekend, so it felt like perfect timing.

Pretending to be someone else

This was my first time ever dressing up as a singer. For Halloween or costume parties, I usually dress up as a character from a movie or book — Max from Where the Wild Things Are, Cher from Clueless, Danny from Grease, or my personal favorite, the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland *green contacts edition*.

Embodying a pop star was new for me.

I’m not a singer, but I’ve always had a special soft spot for pop stars. I think it started with Britney Spears… the glitter, the metallic eyeshadow, the connection to femininity.

So I was excited to be in this make-believe world where I got to be one for a night. The dress I wore was a lacy light butter yellow with a heart cut-out in the front. I felt like one of those vanilla ice cream sandwiches that I used to love as a child.

The only thing I was worried about was someone asking me to sing.

Getting ready in my Sabrina dress

Even though people compliment my speaking voice, a relatively low-pitched fuzzy one softened from years of smoking weed, I’ve never considered myself a particularly good singer. Not terrible, not great.

And since Sabrina sings nice and high, I knew I’d never be able to reach her range. So I left the house crossing my fingers and toes…

Getting there

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the subway that crowded. I had no idea what I was getting into and I’ll admit that while getting pushed and squeezed into a subway car, I had a moment where I questioned my decision to go out.

Music to the rescue.

When I get anxious or overwhelmed, I’ve learned the best thing I can do is listen to music. So I put on the Getting Ready Playlist that I made for you guys, and by the second song, I started to relax.

As I was bopping to RuPaul, I noticed a little girl with a yellow-painted nose and white cat ears staring at me. She looked up at me excitedly. Does she recognize my costume? I smiled and took out one of my wired earbuds.

“Are you Hello Kitty?” She silently nodded yes.

“I’m Cinnamoroll!” Her older sister proudly announced.

I didn’t have to lie to make them feel good. I told them that I loved Hello Kitty and Cinnamoroll and I really do. I have Hello Kitty lip balm, a Hello Kitty baseball hat, Hello Kitty keychains adorning my purses, even my alarm clock is a big Hello Kitty holding an apple.

If you don’t know Cinnamoroll, he’s a shy puppy who can fly thanks to his long ears

As a big Sanrio girl myself, I loved it. It was enough for me to get distracted from the massive subway crowd.

When I finally got off at 8th Avenue, I stopped in my tracks when I saw a MetroCard machine. They’re almost all gone, as the city has been ripping them out and replacing them with the new OMNY card system.

One of the last MetroCard machines in NYC, at 8th Ave/14th St

Spotting one felt almost like seeing an old friend. I wasn’t expecting it, but was absolutely thrilled. Even stone-cold sober, I got a little emotional, wondering if this would be the last one I’d ever see.

But before I could get too swept up in my feelings, I got a text…